Almost done!

This has definitely been one of the most difficult semesters of my entire college career. But, it's been absolutely wonderful at the same time! After being home this last weekend, I've realized how God has given me so much to be thankful for.

I have the best parents ever, who will go out of their way to help me. I appreciate the time I get to spend with them so much. I have three amazing sisters who just make me laugh. I look up to them. And though we've had our fair share of fights, God knew what He was doing when He put me in this family. Looking back, I'm so grateful that I was raised in a family who loves me more than words can express. Because of them, I've got a good foundation in Christ.

And then there are my friends. The people who are in my life right now are such a blessing. They are practically family to me! And I've know they've got my back. I'm particularly thankful for my fellow accounting majors. I know for a fact, that is has been the hardest semester for all of us. But, they make my education so much more worth it. I especially love our study nights - full of laughs and of course, productivity.

And then there's school... I'm seriously blessed to go to a school where the professors love Jesus. But, only until this semester did I realize how truly blessed I am. It's amazing how gracious my professors have been. And today, in the midst of preparing for the two of the hardest weeks of my semester, I was reminded by one of them that I'm doing this for God, not a grade. I think I lost sight of that importance for a bit. But, it was exactly what I needed to hear at that very moment. All that really matters is that I'm living a life that's pleasing to Him and giving Christ glory. If it was about getting those good grades, then it would be all about me. But truth is, it's not about me. It's about Him. So since it's about Him, I'm going to finish strong this semester with His help because I can't do it on my own. He's got me... until the end :)

I thank God that I didn't get what I thought that I deserved.

Solitude

There's nothing better than sitting in God's presence. It's in that moment that I can forget about all my worries, mistakes and failures. It's when I remember why I'm here. I get lost in worship. I find beauty in silence.

In all of my chaos, a little solitude is what I need. That's where I find rest in Him. I'm thankful for those precious moments.

A Dream Forgotten

This morning I read this... it's perfect.

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you” (Isaiah 60:1, NIV).

Today, God wants to exceed your expectations! He has amazing things stored up for you. He wants to take you places that you’ve never dreamed and do things in your life that you’ve never imagined. His glory is rising upon His people. Things are going to fall into place so that you can accomplish what God has placed in your heart. Even the hidden dreams that you’ve given up on, God has not given up on. He is going to do exceedingly abundantly above and beyond all you could ask, think or imagine! Now is the time to arise and shine in Him!

Your mind may try to talk you out of it, but if you’ll listen with your heart, it will resonate on the inside of you. Don’t let discouragement hold you back or keep you down. Rise up every morning and declare, “Today is the day that the Lord has made.” Choose to rejoice in Him. Choose to expect His goodness. Choose to arise and shine and receive every spiritual blessing He has in store for you!

I smiled when I read the part about the hidden dreams I've given up on. Ever since I was a little girl, I had this one particular dream. And it's taken two years for me to completely forget it. But, in this season of life, I'm being reminded about my passion and love for this area. I mean I'm studying something that could get me there... I'm on the right path. This dream of mine is something that seems almost impossible, but I know I can get there with Him guiding me!

Every Moment

I'm constantly learning. Every single day. It's been quite a journey leading up to this moment. It's been so worth it. I'm thankful for every moment. Sometimes I look back and think "that wasn't supposed to happen... if only I did this." But, what happens happens. And honestly, that makes me sad to think about because of the few little things that I regret. Yeah, I've made mistakes. But, what do you expect? It's our human nature to do stupid things. I mean as I've said before, if I could, I'd change things. However, when I really think about it... if things happened differently, I wouldn't haven't been able to learn the things I know now. I'm thankful for everything that's happened in my life. The things I wish I could've changed are insignificant to me now. I don't have any big regrets. And I'm so grateful for that!

Even yesterday, I was reminded of God's promise for us. Every moment is valuable! He's got a divine reason for everything. I think about my life exactly one year ago. I still don't understand a few things... but they were for a reason. Maybe I know what the reason is already or maybe I'll find out later. Only God knows.

There is purpose in everything that we do - the good and bad. That's where I'm still learning. The not-so-great things that have happened have already made me better. He turns ashes into beauty. And He has plans to prosper me. I'm learning from my mistakes to become a better daughter, sister, friend and person, in general. And the most amazing thing about it is that He's such a forgiving and gracious God. He keeps those bad moments in the past and never even brings them up again. I want to be like that and honestly, I'd love that in return from others. Although we don't deserve any of it, He wraps us in His unconditional love and He won't hold anything against us. Now, that's true love.

I'm learning to surrender, obey and seek His will. I'm letting Him make a change in me :) And most importantly, I'm on my way to becoming more like Him.

I'm not who I was

Last night, I talked with a friend about what he was going through. It reminded me of who I was only a short while ago. The last two years of my life has been quite a journey and sometimes I ask myself "why did that happen, God?" But, then I remember that I'm not supposed to know why. God is too great to allow us to understand His ways. I mean we're nothing compared to Him.

No matter what we think or want, God does know what He's doing. We can complain about life all we want, but that will only make it worse. It's not about dwelling on the past and looking at only the bad things. That only makes us miserable. Life is about having patience and trusting that He can use anything for our good.

After last night, I am simply happy about where I am in life. I'm moving towards better things :)

An Eternal Plan

It's only the first week and I've already planned out about a million things for my life. It's gonna be busy. But in reality, none of my plans work out. This planner is nothing compared to the eternal things God has for me.

On my planner for this week, I wrote Proverbs 27:12. It says, "the prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it." That was something I didn't really implement in my life very well last year. I ignored obvious signs and in return, I suffered the consequences of getting hurt.

And I remember a message that I heard two summers ago in relation to this verse. The pastor said, "Intentions don't determine destination. Direction determines destination." It's about keeping our eyes on what's important, but more importantly, acting on it. This year will be very hard and I am nervous, but I'm excited to see what's He's got planned for me because He actually knows what He's doing. And my destination will be a wonderful place :)

More than a Lecture

It's only been four days and I've already learned so much. My profs have given me a lot to think about. It's funny because most people wouldn't think that accounting has anything to do with faith but it does in some ways.

As human beings, we have certain outlooks on others. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. We can't deny that. My professor today compared two things... In accounting, there are two types of standards: rules-based and concepts-based. He compared the rules to the thought that "man is born sinful and man in unable to make uninformed decisions." Likewise, he compared concepts to the thought that "man has a spark of goodness - not everything is bad." One is objective. And the other is subjective and takes more expertise and thinking. Now, normally I would lean more towards to the rules-based because I like having things set in stone and perfect. But, after hearing this, I thought to myself, maybe judgment is good. And that doesn't necessarily mean judging others, but rather having a good judge of character and looking for the good in others. This basis has to do with morals. I don't know, I may be rambling, but this just got me thinking.

I want to accept people no matter who they are. I want to see the best in them and forgive the hurt they may have caused. I want to see the "spark of goodness" that God sees in them. I guess as I'm moving into this year, I'm learning how to love others the way He does. I want to look past all the rules for trying to make everything perfect for myself and instead see the good Christ intended for us.

And on top of that, another prof said "if you're a Christian and you're not valuing people, then something is wrong." If we're going to live a life that's pleasing to God, we've got to show that to others, even when it's difficult to do so. Christianity is about love. God is love. Relationships are important in growing. And my goal for this year is to love and be a better friend to the amazing people who are around me.

God's Timing

Since the beginning of Freshman year, I started doubting God's timing about certain things. And more than two years later, I see why His timing was better than my own. Now, things have changed more and prayers have been answered. But, I'm still praying for the same thing I was praying for from back then. It's a process. Right now, I hear God telling me "no" and honestly, I'm okay with that especially in this season of my life. But, I'm still learning how to hear His voice more clearly and I know that He'll give me the desires of my heart, as it says in Psalm 37. So, I'm praying for a "not yet." And if not, I know He'll give me something better... in His time. I guess for me, it's always been about having patience. So many times, I try to do things on my own so quickly and then things just get messed up. But, this year, I'm going to take things slow and trust that He'll give me what I desire, and more importantly, what I need. This has been a constant reminder in my life... that all things will be beautiful in His time because He's the God of the impossible.

RandoMESS for Day 2

These past two days have been more busy than I thought it would be. Meetings, classes, tons of homework and everything else. It seriously feels like more than I can handle, but I'm literally going to take it one day at a time and not worry!

I am tired, especially mentally. But, I'm trusting Him that He'll give me rest. In the midst of my own craziness today, I decided to take a short walk around campus and it brought back a lot of memories. I walked by where I lived last year and I couldn't help but be sad and happy at the same exact time. It was a year I never thought I'd have. But, it's what brought me to this point in life. If I could, I would change some things, but I guess that's why God allows grace into our lives. I'm sorry to the people I've hurt. And more than anything, I want those who've wronged me to know that I have forgiven them. No matter what, those people will always be dear to my hurt. I know I've said both those things countless times, but I don't think I can say it enough. I truly mean that. Someday I'd love to have some of those people back in my life. But, only in His time. Because I have learned that God sometimes gives us to people to share life with only for certain chapters of our lives. And if it was only for a short while, I am thankful.

Whether I'm ready or not, I know this year will be great!

My Little Izzy

As I was going through my things, I came across a picture of my little camper from two summers ago and myself. I miss her. She has the most contagious smile. Izzy is such a beautiful girl. In fact, she reminds me of myself in some ways... She's indecisive and laughs a lot. One thing I loved about her was her willingness to help people and her lovingkindness towards others.  I was blessed with the opportunity to spend one week with just her, even during one of the hardest summers of my life. The best thing about it though is that I can always look at that picture of us sitting on my desk and remember the amazing impact she had on my own life.

My Prayer

"Always pray to see the best in people, for a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad and a soul that never loses faith in God."

Yes, please :)

Deep Breath

I've always said that summer changes everything. And to be honest, it has been true at least for the past three summers of my life. But, now I'm starting to believe that even going back to even school changes things too. That has also been true in my own life, even in some drastic ways. And God gives us these stressful changes to remind us that we can rely on Him when we don't know what to do.

But, it's becoming real again. I've been officially moved in to my new house on campus for three days. And I'm going to miss being home like crazy. A year ago, if you asked me "are you excited for school?" I'd say something like "Without a doubt, I'm ready to see my friends again!" I could not wait to get back and I wanted to skip summer altogether. But, I think that's where my problem was... I wasn't in it for the school part. I wasn't going back for the right reasons. I mean don't get me wrong, it was the great community that brought and kept me at my school. I love Fox. And I truly love all the people I've met there too. Though they can get on my nerves, as I probably do too, I'm thankful for each and every one of them. But this year, I'm going in with a different mindset. One that's the reason I'm here. To learn and grow, build a career and use that for His glory. It's not about what others want from me. It's about what God's given me and how I'm going to use it.

After this summer, I've learned SO much. It was hard at times, but it was in those moments that God was constantly refining me and reminding me that He's got it in control. It was in those moments that my loving parents and sisters were there for me. I know I say this a lot, but I am seriously blessed. This summer, I was surrounded by people who are some of the greatest and most real people I've ever met. And let me tell you, some of the dinners with them were my absolute favorite memories of the summer! Those friends are like family to me.

So, in this next school year, everything will change yet again. As with every new season, I will experience new and very hard things! But, if you ask me that same question, this would be my answer... "Yeah, I'm actually ready for the school part, learning and of course, seeing some of those amazing people that God put in my life. And although it's going to probably be the absolute hardest year of my life, I am ready." I'm just getting even more prepared for what is to come. Even in this very moment, I am more nervous that ever that I won't be able to do everything - all my classes, senior capstone, serving as a leader for two clubs, fall recruiting, and more - but I know God will see me through it all. It will be busy. But, He's ready for me to start again. So, I'll take a deep breath and He'll take care of the rest. I don't know how He's going to get me through it, but He always does. And that's all that really matters.

I must say that I appreciate my family and being home a lot more now that I have to go back to school again.

My words exactly for that one person...

:)

His Plan

It's hard to believe that the summer is almost over. I'm sad to see it go so soon, but I'm ready for another change. Throughout this summer, I've been preparing myself for this next year almost every single day. And as you can tell in this picture, I'm constantly writing lists and try to be super prepared for the next day... or even month. And that isn't even half of it, I've got sticky notes all over my desk! But, I think that's where my problem is. I plan a little too much, which causes me to worry more because some things just don't go the way I plan.

Now, this coming year will most definitely be the busiest year by far. I've got a lot on my plate, especially this Fall. Sometimes I ask myself, "what am I getting myself into?!" But then, I remember that it's God who brought me to this point and gave me these things. I want to use what I have. I know there will be times where I don't think I'll be able to do it, but I know that with perseverance, I will! 

So, here's to a new year... one that will be filled with amazing things. This year, I'm more ready mentally for school than I was last year. I'm focused. And although other people think it's probably boring, I'm excited to take the rest of my accounting classes next year. I'm ready to get closer to reaching my goal and seeing what else He has planned for me. I give all my sticky notes, lists and this next school year up to Him! 

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." ~ Psalm 37:4

Association

I'm thankful for the people God's put in my life right now. Association is always key in determining how our lives turn out. Sometimes it's an indirect kind of thing and it affects us without us even knowing it. The people we spend time with sometimes influence us in ways we never intended. We should be surrounded by those who encourage and don't hold us back... That's what I needed for the longest time. And I've walked towards something better and I finally got that :)

"Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble." ~ Proverbs 13:20

From Then to Now

Thinking back about the past several years, I can see how every single thing was orchestrated with a purpose. Every person that was put in my life, every failure, every success, every tear that fell... everything! Though there are times where I wish that I could go back and start over, I know that I wouldn't have learned some things any other way and I wouldn't be here if those things didn't happen. Each summer, I feel like there is a specific lesson that God is teaching me. Two summers ago, it was that Christ defines me. And though people may have misconstrued ideas about me, no one truly knows me, except for the One who created and saved me. The only opinion that really matters is His. He is the author of my life.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." ~ Psalm 139:14

Last summer, it was that I deserve the absolute best and I must guard my heart because it is such a precious gift from God. Hearts are so easily broken, but God is always there to mend and heal it, that is, if you allow Him to do so. It was the start of one if the hardest times in my life and I didn't ever think I'd ever get through it. But, I finally did several months later. And in all of it, I'm so thankful to God that I didn't get what I thought I deserved. During that summer, I also was constantly reminded that all things work together to give me an amazing future. Even in this very moment as I'm writing this sentence, I'm smiling at the thought of how things happened-the good and bad things. It's like God was speaking to me in the most random ways. There were many times when He gave me "signs" and I didn't want to listen, but now, I realize that He allowed all of it, even the things that hurt, to show me exactly what I deserved.

"Above all, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." ~ Proverbs 4:23

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~ Romans 8:28

And this summer, He's teaching me all of this all over again and even more. I find myself thinking about the past and how things have turned out. And if you really know me, you know that I constantly worry about what's going to happen sometimes even in the next few hours. But, that's one thing God is teaching me... still.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has trouble of its own." ~ Matthew 6:34

As I'm getting closer to graduating and starting a career, I think even more about it. But, then when I think about the past and what God already has done, I realize how dumb it was for me to worry because everything fell... and is still falling into its perfect place. What's the point in worrying about the future or even the past? All it does is ruin the present. He's the God of the impossible and I know He's got my life in control. As school will be starting back up again, I'm so excited for what He has for me! I'm forgetting then and looking forward to now.

Galatians 1:10

So, last night when I was reading my Bible, I came across some notes on this verse in Galatians. It said, "all true followers of Christ must make it their aim to please God and fulfill his plans and desires for them, even if it means displeasing some people." It's so simple, but so very true. Honestly, it makes me sad when I hear about how people would rather please others more than God... just because they don't want to be hated or feel uncomfortable. All I want is for my life to be remembered as one that lived for the glory of God, which will be evident in every little step and decision I make! I'm getting closer to that everyday with His help :)

Choices

No matter what, we are given a choice. Christ presents us with so many paths and directions to take. And even though He has a plan, He allows us a to make that final decision. And sometimes we make the wrong choices. But, that's what teaches us and brings us to make even harder decisions, which in turn, leads us to the right choice... that's something I'm learning this summer.

My Letters to God

If you know me, you know that I like to write. It's how I sort everything. I write lists on my sticky notes, letters to my friends and of course, in my journal. Several years ago, I started journaling. My journals are like a collection of letters to God with my thoughts, prayers and praises. And right before I started college, I threw my first journal away. I didn't like looking back, so I decided to pretend like it never happened by tossing it. But now, I wish that I could look back at it... to see how much I have changed since then.

And only a few days ago, I wrote in the last page of the journal I started at the beginning of my first year at Fox. And as I "signed" that last letter to God, I couldn't help but smile because I'm never going to throw this one away. I like flipping through the pages now. Even looking back to exactly one year ago, I am simply amazed at how much God has blessed and taught me. Sometimes when I look at it now, I have no idea what I was thinking. It kinda makes me laugh. But still, that's what it took to get me here. On the way to getting here, a few friends came and left, I received my first B, I got minor surgery and I was more confused about what God was trying to do in my life than ever. But more importantly, I was reminded how blessed I am now. God has given me a family who loves me and who has stayed together and He's blessed me with some friendships that I never expected to have. And now, I have a somewhat clearer picture about what He wants me to do. Well, just a little clearer. But, I have grown so much and this journal right here is a testament to that. Just as I closed this book, I have closed yet another chapter.

All things really do work together for my good :)

So now, I'm starting a new journal and entering a better part of my life. I am excited to see what He has for me. I know there will be struggles, as always, but it's those hard times that help me grow. Everything does happen for a reason. Looking back and as cliché as it sounds, I can finally see how some things were supposed to fall apart so that they could fall into a better place... which is right now! 

The Vine and the Branches

This week, I've been reading and focusing on John 15. One of the verses that stuck out to me most was verse 7.

"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." 

As followers of Christ, we ought to live everyday for Him through our words and actions. It is critical to live in accordance to His will. And when we do, our prayers become more in line with desires of His heart. Then we can continue living the life that we're meant to live.

We are the vines. He is the gardener and if we allow Him, He'll cut off the branches that bear no good fruit. And in return, we can become more fruitful and can show the world His love.

Actions > Words

This weekend my cousin said, "if someone has to say 'I'm a nice guy,' then that means they're not." It got me thinking. He was right. I had a friend from my school who always said, "I'm just a nice guy." I thought nothing of it until now. And over time, I got to know him better and saw how he treated others and to be honest, he wasn't that nice of a guy. The way he treated myself and others made me really disappointed in him. What he always said never matched the way he acted. He wanted to impress me with his words. And well, I was fooled for a little while. His actions proved to me who he really is. And it finally makes sense now. Some people try paint pictures of what they want others to believe about themselves to feel better about what they're doing. 

Words aren't always enough. To see a change, something needs to be done. The way I see people is through the way they act, not by what they say. So, I don't want to just say the right things. Instead, I want to strive to be a person who will live in a way that's pleasing to the Lord.

What you do is more significant than what you say. More than words, actions reveal who a person truly is.

Above all else

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." ~ Proverbs 4:23

My promise ring. And one of my favorite verses :)

One of the most important things I've learned that any person should do is to protect their heart because it is the center of their life. It's where we make our decisions and hide our desires. So, we must be careful and allow only things that are pleasing to God into it, so it can also flow out.  

The Definition of Me

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.”

I agree with this completely! I have had so many friends that define their worth on what other people think about them... and that makes me sad for them. They think spending time alone is like a bad thing, but I think it's absolutely great! Solitude is a good thing because it gives me a chance to take time to relax and spend time with my Savior. And worth shouldn't be be based on worldly idols, friends, jobs or anything else, except for Him. Christ defines me :)  

I think it all started about a year or so ago. That's when God started letting things happen to show me who I was supposed to keep in my life. Off the top of my head, I can think of several things that happened. But, of course, I didn't realize it until now what He was trying to show me. Every little thing pointed in one direction. And it's finally clear. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the people in my life. But, sometimes you have to let go of the ones who have hurt you most, even if they mean the world to you. I tried fighting that by allowing myself to be complacent. But, I've realized that everyday, including today, something was proving me wrong.

Everyone knows that phrase, "forgive and forget." Last summer, I learned what it meant to really forgive others. I was hurt in ways that I didn't think I'd ever be hurt. But, I didn't really know how to forget. So, this summer, that's what I'm doing. I'm forgetting and I'm starting anew. And yes, memories will always be there, but it's those memories that keep me smiling and trusting Him.

:)

What used to make me sad makes me smile now. My God is absolutely amazing!

There's nothing more beautiful than just sitting in God's presence at the end of the day. Knowing that everything is in His hands is the most amazing kind of peace. Whether I'm taking a walk looking at His wonderful creation or sitting at my desk with all my little sticky notes, I'm reminded of His loving kindness and beauty.

What could've been was never meant to be. Chances are if they should've been, they would've been.

This is so very true. God's got it! In fact, He has from the very beginning of it all. I think I forgot that for a while... But, it's crazy and so refreshing to know that He has everything under control :)) Right here, right now is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

The best things.

The best things in life are not forced and least expected. They're the things where you ask, "how did I get so blessed to have that?" :)

People come and go.

And when they do, they most likely were just a lesson.

All things beautiful.

After being at Fox another year, I learned so many more lessons about life through people and experience than just being in class. For so long, I truly thought that God's timing of certain things was just a little off. But, I was so wrong. He just had a different plan than I did for my life. Every tear, smile and laugh was worth it.

I think the most important thing that I learned during this past year while being in school was that all things will be beautiful in His time. While most things don't ever make sense, I've gotta keep remembering that He has a wonderful plan for my life. This is has been quite a year. I was betrayed a few times. And it sure was difficult. At times, I felt like things were falling apart, but through it all I was growing and becoming better :) And in time, it'll all make sense and be worth it... Overall, this year was fun with some great memories that I'll never forget!

My sister made this clock for me and on it says "All things beautiful in His time."
Such a great reminder!

Prayer ruined my life.

For the past year and a half, I'd been praying for certain things to happen. I'd been praying for God to show me the right thing to do. And over the last several months, I have been on a long road where I was hurt and lied to. I prayed every single day of my life for one thing. And my life has finally been ruined because of it. Now, I don't mean that in a bad way. It's a good thing. As I was sitting at dinner with my friends today, I thought "prayer ruins everything." Everything was falling apart... and now my life is ruined. And well, it's turned out in a way that I never expected it to be. Two years ago, I would've never thought I'd be here. I used to have my life all planned out when I was younger. So, I didn't know what I was getting myself into as I was praying. Prayer is an act of entrusting everything to God. I lost control. By asking God to do His will, every plan that I ever had for my life was being erased and He was creating something better, and He still is... :) So, I was faced with dealing with the consequences of praying to a gracious God who knows exactly what He's doing. And tonight I thought, "how did this all even happen?!" But, looking at the bigger picture of it all... it was exactly what I was praying for and wanting all along. It's what I needed.

His "Garden"

Looking back at this past year, I've realized what all God has done for me in even in the craziness. There have been many friends who have betrayed my trust. And it was hard to let them go at first. Now, this is kinda silly. But, I realized that my group of friends is like a garden. The bad friends who were not good for me are like weeds. God was ridding me of them. They only hurt me. But, on the other hand, God has blessed me abundantly with friends who truly care about me. They are there for me. And they stood up for me when I was too weak to do so. They love me. And I love them. They are like beautiful flowers. We're all growing together. Yes, we've all made mistakes. But, we're all learning. It's like God is the water raining down on us. Without Him, we wouldn't exist.

I'm not a people pleaser.

As this year is coming to an end, I have found that many people try to impress others. They act one way with one person, and then in a completely different way with someone else. Being fake is the same as lying. Changing who you are isn't giving respect to God because He made each and every one of us unique, so we shouldn't try to be someone we're not.

This year, I've learned a lot about myself. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love people. I love getting to know them.  I used to care a lot more about what others thought about me, I still do. But, I'm not a people pleaser. And that's because I stand up for myself, for people I care about and for what I believe is right! Sometimes it's really hard to do, but I know it's the right thing to do. Today, I learned that. 

I wish I heard this song about a year and a half ago... I love it. It's just perfect :)

Surrender and See

Christ has shown me how to trust Him this past week. I thought I had most of my life figured out, but I have been so wrong. And now, I'm amazed at how He is speaking to me. His Word is absolutely wonderful. And the way He works is even more amazing.

Sometimes you have to fully surrender to let God do something in your life and He will show you what to do and how to live. Only after fully giving up can you see the amazing things that He has already given you. I thought I knew what was best for me, but that was only blinding me from what God truly wanted for me. And now I can see a little bit clearer :) Only faith can do that.

Sometimes I just don't understand what God is doing in my life. Right when I try something, the opposite starts to happen. When I try to get rid of something, it's sitting there right in front of me the next day. Well, I will be strong and trust Him. I'm going to sit and pray hard that He shows me what to do!

Blessed beyond words.

It's actually kinda funny how God works. For almost two years, I had been holding onto something that was holding me back from being the absolute best I could be. It was a hindrance to me. But, this February, I realized how much it has negatively affected my life. I wasn't the person that I was before. So, this month, I let it go. It's not completely out of my life quite yet, but I'm getting there... and already I can see what things God has been blessing me with! Once I rid myseld of that one thing, I've been abundantly blessed. In the past week, I've accepted a summer internship and got an AWESOME scholarship! It just makes me smile now :)) It's simply amazing.

Better things.

God has the most perfect plan for my life. I'm starting to see that again now. This past week during Spring Break, I really learned that. I had a break from my crazy life. It was honestly one of the greatest breaks ever. Last summer was a hard time in my life, and it was followed by an even more difficult school year. During the last year or so, I have learned so much about life. In fact, even when I didn't realize it, God was teaching me the same exact thing over and over because I just didn't get it the first time. He surely caught my attention. I learned what is truly important.

He showed me how blessed I am. I have family who loves me so much. I don't know what I'd do without them. He's given me friends who I can count on. And I am getting a great education. I know I'll get far in life with His help and guidance at this school. He's writing a perfect story for me, an imperfect person. And lastly, one of the most important things I have learned is that I cannot settle for less than I deserve. Ever. 

There is beauty in suffering. Through pain and heartache, I learned what it means to follow God's will. Although I don't understand any of it, He knows what He's doing. I remember the day that I thought my world was falling apart like it was yesterday. I didn't think I'd be able to get through it. But, I was SO wrong. I have come so far and I am a different person :) I think about how I planned my life back then. A year ago, I had different things in mind and looking to the future, I can see that would have been a complete mess. So now, I know exactly what I deserve. I know His plans are greater than mine. What happened was insignificant compared to the amazing things God has in store for me!

Letters.

Letters are something very dear to me. I love writing and receiving them! Tonight, I read some old letters that I found... all were for me, except one was given back to me. Reading them made me think of how things have changed since they were written. It made me relive the last three years of my life in only a few minutes. And it has been quite a story. 

I've learned that words are just words. And sometime the things we say are only temporary. So, those letters and memories are meant to stay in my past because God is writing my story with eternal words... :)

Ephesians 1:15-19... I got this little card with my name on it when I was in 5th grade from my Missionettes teacher at church. I forgot I had it.  And today, while doing my homework, I saw it. I still want to be that person and live a life that shines for Christ! I want to be discerning as I make decisions about friends, school, my future career and just life! I want to be focused on Christ and only Him. It sure is crazy how God reminds of the little important things at the perfect time!

This year has been full of lessons. And in in the process, I lost some things that meant a lot to me. But, it's true that when God closes one door, He'll open a new one... so I'm ready to see what better things He has in store for me. I know it will be difficult, but it will be so worth it! He's still got this. As this school year is coming to an end, in just a few weeks, I'm so thankful for everything that has happened, for every problem, heartache, laugh and smile. It was hard. But, it has made me stronger and closer to Him :)

“Sometimes things fall apart so other things can fall into place.”

Friendships

People don't always stay around. That's just life. So, I want my friends to be there for me in the ups and downs. And I know the few people who are in my life are ones that will stay with me for a long time... :)

Some things never change.

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

No Friend of Mine.

I've got this friend who goes back and forth. They use me when they need me and then forget it. But, it seems as if they keep trying to come back. My trust in this person has been broken several times and today, I'm done believing this person could ever change. This is the last time that will ever happen. I've put more effort into the friendship than they ever did. Friendship is a two way street. Will I give him another chance? Probably not. Maybe. My lesson has finally been learned. Truth is, I'll miss this person but I don't wanna settle for a friendship that God doesn't want me to have. I'm done caring for something that's not worth my time. No friend of mine does this. I know this is for the better.

The one thing.

The one thing I want the most is the one thing I need the least... letting go of the one thing that's holding you back is hard, but it's exactly what I need to do in order to be where God wants me to be.

How did it even happen?

I find myself asking this question over and over. Today, I just couldn't get over what all happened this past year and a half... they were things that I wish never happened. Because of all of it, I experienced more pain and brokenness than I had ever felt in my entire life. I kept looking back at how I met all the people in my life. And I read my journal from this past year, I prayed to God for certain things. And of course, the opposite happened and I was heartbroken. There are so many times where I just want to be bitter and mad at God for letting these things happen. But, I know I can't. He allowed it to happen to teach me and to make me stronger. And I can most definitely say that I have learned and I am continually striving to be a better person. I may never fully know why he allowed it to happen... but, I have to trust that He will use it for my good.